I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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