Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
