i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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