I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
