batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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