Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
