I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
foreskin is a definite game changer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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