She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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