i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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