he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
