Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
