I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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