Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
