if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
