i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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