Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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