Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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