I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
