1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
