I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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