if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize