but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
