My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Only a mothe r could love this liver
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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