I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
