Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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