im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
