It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
