I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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