we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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