We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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