uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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