1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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