I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs