she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.