Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
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Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...