my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
