my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
