if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
