I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
