Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
