Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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