Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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