I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
