I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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