Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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