i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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