wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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