Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry about my life...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
