I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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