she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
