he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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