I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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