So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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