one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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