I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
