How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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