she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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