Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
