i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
