My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
worst night to have a conscience
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
