If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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