Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
