Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
