So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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