I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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