just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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