thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
