i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
