I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
