man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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