I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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