every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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