considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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