What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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