Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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