Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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