Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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