I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
