My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
