I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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