my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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