i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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