Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
