i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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