If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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